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(Wednesday, July 20, 2005-)
+9:58 PM]*
# maybe it is just because i'm tired.-
i'm stuck at home again. 10 o clock and i'm lonely. Mike is out with his friend. "you could've gone with if you were allowed to." it probably isn't true, but i'll pretend it is.
since nobody reads the blog anymore, i can feel free to write about how i'm truly feeling.
i'm sick of being stuck inside here. day after day. i'm tired of having this curfew, in which i can't do a think. it's not like i'll be coming home at 3 am. not even 1.
the point is, i'm 18. when will i be given the opportunity to have a choice when i come home. i have my own key, so why can't i use it? he complains about having to wake up early in the morning, but... he wouldn't be the one coming home at 12. i have my own car, i pay for my own insurance, i have a job. yet, i don't have the right to stay out until after 10pm.
i feel lonely beyond belief, and the heat in the house isn't helping. i feel like i'm fighting a losing battle, like i don't even make myself happy. how can i make someone else happy when i'm not happy? i'm just not getting the attention i need... from the only person who has the capability of giving me the attention i desire. i guess i should grow up. toughen up. being left behind isn't that big of a deal. maybe one day, when i move out, i'll have the opportunity to stay out, and be part of something greater than the "kids with curfew" club. my pride is hurt by having to bow down.
it's wrong, but i wish i could be with Mike. he should enjoy time away with his friends. as should i. i just feel horribly left-out.
he doesn't read this anymore.
i just need to suck it up. part of me wishes for the summer.. where he'd throw rocks at my open window, trying to get my attention. he'd come tell me that he loved me and about how much he wanted to be sleeping in that bed with me. now, he can care less about that ''romantic-ness.'' it's ok. because i love him.
i do, so much.
which is why i'm acting like this.
since nobody reads this anyways, i can reread this post several times and pretend like everything is ok.
everything is ok.
i'm just being a big baby.
the story ends like this..
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