(Saturday, October 29, 2005-)
+4:57 PM]*
+4:57 PM]*
# stupid daylight savings..-
not only will i be at work until 3am, the hours all go back at 2, which means i will be there for 4 hours! that sucks so bad!
i am going to be so tired!!!
and i have to drive down to champaign tomorrow.
early.
i love you.
i am going to be so tired!!!
and i have to drive down to champaign tomorrow.
early.
i love you.
the story ends like this..
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(Wednesday, October 19, 2005-)
+10:37 AM]*
+10:37 AM]*
# both jobs = no fun-
i got 12 hours of sleep! whoooo!
sns 12-3
target 4-8 (or 9)
tiiired? nope!
let's get this day over with!!
sns 12-3
target 4-8 (or 9)
tiiired? nope!
let's get this day over with!!
the story ends like this..
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(Saturday, October 15, 2005-)
+12:33 AM]*
+12:33 AM]*
# sleeeeeeep-
halloween is coming up. whoo.
i gave a speech today. whoo.
the teacher liked it. whoo.
i took a nap.
and went to work
and came home
and played online
whhhhoooooooo!
i gave a speech today. whoo.
the teacher liked it. whoo.
i took a nap.
and went to work
and came home
and played online
whhhhoooooooo!
the story ends like this..
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(Thursday, October 13, 2005-)
+5:50 PM]*
+5:50 PM]*
# it won't come fast enough-
there are a bunch of sirens.. and beeping goin' on around my neighborhood.
i'm tired. :-)
i'm tired. :-)
the story ends like this..
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(Wednesday, October 12, 2005-)
+10:56 PM]*
+10:56 PM]*
# todai-
was ok.
work schoool school tomorrow. which sucks.
love me.
work schoool school tomorrow. which sucks.
love me.
the story ends like this..
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+3:48 PM]*
# muah :-)-
the story ends like this..
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(Sunday, October 09, 2005-)
+11:17 PM]*
+11:17 PM]*
# finally-
i am feeling better, thanks to st. john's wort. it works miracles, people. trust me.
so. yeah. worked too much.
this is a list of things i want:
from ikea--
red pillows
star lanterns
blue and red tea lights
red clothes hangers
see-through red curtains
closet organizer
random cute box for the schoolbooks in my jeep
body mods--
lip pierced
nose pierced
tattoo
hair dyed and cut TOTALLY different
from walmart--
st johns wort (take three a day)
face wash
my perfume
blank cds
i also need hoodies. :-)
which means i need alot of money!
or a hot sexy man with a great job :-P
so. yeah. worked too much.
this is a list of things i want:
from ikea--
red pillows
star lanterns
blue and red tea lights
red clothes hangers
see-through red curtains
closet organizer
random cute box for the schoolbooks in my jeep
body mods--
lip pierced
nose pierced
tattoo
hair dyed and cut TOTALLY different
from walmart--
st johns wort (take three a day)
face wash
my perfume
blank cds
i also need hoodies. :-)
which means i need alot of money!
or a hot sexy man with a great job :-P
the story ends like this..
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(Friday, October 07, 2005-)
+8:29 PM]*
+8:29 PM]*
# just relax-
finally.. time to relax.
downtime is so amazing
downtime is so amazing
the story ends like this..
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(Thursday, October 06, 2005-)
+12:04 AM]*
+12:04 AM]*
# tonight-
resolute.
i just might make it.
i just might make it.
the story ends like this..
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(Tuesday, October 04, 2005-)
+11:04 PM]*
+11:04 PM]*
# plainly foul-
got the paper done at the last minute for economics.
i'm in a horrible mood.
i feel like punching something.
i am so exhausted, except i can't sleep.
i've gotten 8 hours of sleep since Thursday night.
speech tomorrow. exciting.
yep.
my life is the BEST example of inhumane torture.
have a GREAT night!!!!!
i'm in a horrible mood.
i feel like punching something.
i am so exhausted, except i can't sleep.
i've gotten 8 hours of sleep since Thursday night.
speech tomorrow. exciting.
yep.
my life is the BEST example of inhumane torture.
have a GREAT night!!!!!
the story ends like this..
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(Monday, October 03, 2005-)
+11:23 PM]*
+11:23 PM]*
# unfortunately, another day-
timmy, axle and i have been talking. we all have agreed that we are frustrated with living at home.
enclosed in this blog are pictures of us being sad.
the story ends like this..
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(Sunday, October 02, 2005-)
+12:57 AM]*
+12:57 AM]*
# someone to talk to-
i tried calling the suicide hotline.. they kept me on hold for 20 minutes.
my friends aren't answering the phone, my ex won't talk to me.
my dad said i needed to stop being a "basket case" and "forget the fucking asshole."
real great advice.
so the only damage i've done was adding up a few hospital bills and i've got a lousy scratch on my arm.
nights are so horrible. i dread the sun going down. i need to be around people.. i honestly think that i'm suffering from anxiety.
anxiety and depression.
this sucks SO BAD.
i feel like a part of me has burnt up.. and the skin has been melted away. which leaves my heart, my lungs and my stomach exposed to the world.. and the world just rubbed salt all over them. it's hard to think, and it's hard to pretend that i'm not being bothered.
i won't get sleep again tonight.
and it's going to be hard to get up in the morning.
loneliness is the most bitter part about this. with all my friends being away at school... or too busy, it doesn't give me someone to constantly be around with.
i don't know how to date.. i've never dated.
i'm full of all this anxiousness.
someone talk to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i need something positive, and i need to run to somewhere. i need to drop everything that i am doing and just be carted away to somewhere where i can't remember my emotions.
in the movie "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," the main character struggles with getting over his love. he ends up resorting to destroying all of the memories he has of her. he finds out that she got the same procedure done on her.
i need that SO BAD. so insanely bad. i want to forget about everything. i hate feeling empty and lost. it's like a snowball rolling down a never-ending hill.
school, work, work, work, work, hate, anger, love, lonely, hurt, love, love, lonely...
oh my god, i just can't end it. i cry, and it doesn't do anything. it just makes me exhausted.
how can the one thing that i love turn around and be so cold?
i could NEVER cheat on someone that i love with all my heart.
i can't just forget all the times i've had with him.
i can't move on right away! nobody can! the feelings are still alive!
everybody makes mistakes. and the mistakes can be forgiven. i know that i keep saying that i'd change, and i haven't.. but this is a pretty big downfall. i can't lose this..
so i need to change.
drastic change.
life-ending change.
i think i'm going to do it.
i totally lost this one.
my friends aren't answering the phone, my ex won't talk to me.
my dad said i needed to stop being a "basket case" and "forget the fucking asshole."
real great advice.
so the only damage i've done was adding up a few hospital bills and i've got a lousy scratch on my arm.
nights are so horrible. i dread the sun going down. i need to be around people.. i honestly think that i'm suffering from anxiety.
anxiety and depression.
this sucks SO BAD.
i feel like a part of me has burnt up.. and the skin has been melted away. which leaves my heart, my lungs and my stomach exposed to the world.. and the world just rubbed salt all over them. it's hard to think, and it's hard to pretend that i'm not being bothered.
i won't get sleep again tonight.
and it's going to be hard to get up in the morning.
loneliness is the most bitter part about this. with all my friends being away at school... or too busy, it doesn't give me someone to constantly be around with.
i don't know how to date.. i've never dated.
i'm full of all this anxiousness.
someone talk to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i need something positive, and i need to run to somewhere. i need to drop everything that i am doing and just be carted away to somewhere where i can't remember my emotions.
in the movie "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," the main character struggles with getting over his love. he ends up resorting to destroying all of the memories he has of her. he finds out that she got the same procedure done on her.
i need that SO BAD. so insanely bad. i want to forget about everything. i hate feeling empty and lost. it's like a snowball rolling down a never-ending hill.
school, work, work, work, work, hate, anger, love, lonely, hurt, love, love, lonely...
oh my god, i just can't end it. i cry, and it doesn't do anything. it just makes me exhausted.
how can the one thing that i love turn around and be so cold?
i could NEVER cheat on someone that i love with all my heart.
i can't just forget all the times i've had with him.
i can't move on right away! nobody can! the feelings are still alive!
everybody makes mistakes. and the mistakes can be forgiven. i know that i keep saying that i'd change, and i haven't.. but this is a pretty big downfall. i can't lose this..
so i need to change.
drastic change.
life-ending change.
i think i'm going to do it.
i totally lost this one.
the story ends like this..
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(Saturday, October 01, 2005-)
+10:40 AM]*
+10:40 AM]*
# feeling empty takes you nowhere.-
i have a long story to share. i'll post tonight at 10.
the story ends like this..
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